Why haven't I been posting? I have been trying to cut my bangs for the past 36 hours.
I've always had a love/hate relationship with bangs. I love them on other people, hate them on me. They made Bettie Page look hot. They make Chrissie Hynde and Joan Jett look badass. They make Patsy Stone look fabulous, sweetie. They make me look 12 years old. When there's even one drop of humidity in the air, they panic and form frizzy little cliques across my forehead, mocking my efforts. Or else they puff out and make me look like a 12-year-old who listens to Fall Out Boy. The girl from IpanEMO.
So why did I go and cut them again?
Well, I'll let you in on a secret: I like to cut hair. True story. Always have. To the point that I should probably go to beauty school or something. Also, if you have been following along with previous posts, I am currently AN INVALID!! and tired of looking at myself but unable to drive to see my hair guru, Melinda. And when I see pictures of women looking stellar with bangs, I start to think that maybe this time it'll be different; this time I've got the right products, the right flat iron, the right attitude to carry off bangs. And some idea of how to cut them. All you have to do is snip snip snip across your forehead and presto! a whole new look. What could be simpler?
Well, quantum physics, just for starters. Cold fusion. The Rule Against Perpetuities. I won't bore you with details, but my hair is a contrary little bitch that won't do what it's told. (The downstairs neighbor is probably a bad influence.) It knows I like sleek, elegant, precise lines. It thinks it's a scream to pretend it's 1984 and magically render MALL BANGS!!! So I keep cutting and keep cutting until the bastards have taken over half my head. And then I look in the mirror and go, "wait, that section's not quite right... maybe if I just snip a little here...." And 36 hours later I'm still snipping.
It's almost semi-presentable now (no photos; don't even ask!), but I will not be doing this again (not before meditating carefully on this post, anyway), and will probably still have to get Melinda to fix it. At least no one's going to mistake me for Victoria Beckham now. Cause they TOTALLY did before.
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2 comments:
> The girl from IpanEMO.
God, I'm so glad you're blogging. That phrase alone made my morning.
And I share your feelings about bangs. I WANT kickass, serious and straight bangs. I NEED their toughness and gravitas and in-your-facery. But after an entire childhood of hearing "There was a little girl/who had a little curl/right in the middle of her forehead" I just cannot do it. I can't.
Is it wrong that I'm happy someone else has this problem?
Aha! I found your blog and now you won't be able to get rid of me.
Death is easy, bangs are hard. Without them, the stratospheric stretch of my pale shiny forehead has been known to cause traffic accidents. But they're really HARD to get right.
BTW, I read every single post and LMAO at least twice for each one. Keep blogging baby, you sound happy.
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