Oh, Inverted World

I need a new look.

I've been seeing the same hairstylist, Melinda, for six years. That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. I met her while tagging along with my then-boyfriend to a hipster barbershop to supervise the butchering, and apparently approving of the butchering to the point that I thought, "What the hell, I need a haircut too." Now, I've had a lot of bad haircuts in my life. Some were self-inflicted, but no worse than the salon-created monstrosities I'd been attempting to correct. So it was not without some trepidation that I sat down at Melinda's chair to surrender my head to the chopping block. But she understood the look I yearned for and transformed my unruly, unevenly textured, shapeless mass of hair into a sleek, shoulder-length inverted bob (longer in the front, shorter in the back, flat-ironed into submission). That hairdo turned me from cute to gorgeous. I've followed Melinda from salon to salon since November 2002, always requesting variations on the inverted bob; I don't trust anyone else to cut my hair.¹ Someday I hope to be a Melinda to my clients. I want to be The One Who Gets It, and I want to execute this it-getting with skill and artistry.

Anyway, the problem? Now this fucking haircut is everywhere! Rihanna and Posh and a bajillion other obnoxious celebrities are strutting around like they invented it. About a quarter of the girls at my beauty school have the inverted bob. It looks better on some than others. It looks perfect on me. But the thought of looking like everybody else (more accurately, everybody else looking like me) is revolting, and much as I have loved my signature style over the years, it's probably time for a change. I'll ask Melinda what she thinks. Maybe it's about time somebody brought back the Gumby.

¹(I did flirt briefly with a choppy layered mullet-esque 'do in law school when I was forced to go to a cheaper salon closer to home. Then one day during spring quarter I couldn't stand it anymore and cut class to book an appointment with Melinda and get my old hair back. The next day I got about 200 compliments.)